


Captive Again and Again

by Guardian_Rose



Category: Dragon Age II
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Fluff, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-03
Updated: 2018-03-03
Packaged: 2019-03-26 13:56:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,853
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13859157
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Guardian_Rose/pseuds/Guardian_Rose
Summary: They had found Hawke surrounded by slavers, one of them a mage. A blood mage. Hawke hadn’t even been fighting them. Fenris could still see it, clear as day, even with his eyes wide open: Hawke kneeling on the ground, tears falling down his face as he took in ragged breaths.Fenris had called out to him, had tried to snap him out of it but Hawke hadn’t even flinched. It had taken a swift slap in the face from Fenris to get Hawke to focus on him.





	1. Just Let Me In

**Author's Note:**

  * For [brainindacloudz](https://archiveofourown.org/users/brainindacloudz/gifts).



> So this is basically a rewrite of an old (OLD) fic that was along very different lines but the same idea, one of them being held captive.

Fenris was still sitting in front of his door. Not the front door, Hawke would have conceded by now if that was the case, but his bedroom door. He knew because Fenris would occasionally shift and curse as his armour knocked loudly against the door or his sword would fall over onto the floor. 

 

Hawke longed to let him in, longed to have the one person he trusted with everything help him figure out what to do. Longed to reassure Fenris because Hawke knew that what he was doing was hurting the other man, he was tearing apart the bridges built between them. He hated himself for it. He wasn’t sure he had a choice. 

 

Part of him hoped that Fenris would give up soon, would realise after spending half a day stubbornly waiting that it wasn’t worth it. The rest of Hawke wished for his lover to stay. To wait. A bitter, cruel voice in his head muttered how it wasn’t like he was making Fenris wait for three years. Hawke hated himself even more for having the thought. 

 

It wasn’t particularly surprising when Orana’s concerned voice could be heard outside, she spoke too softly for Hawke to make out what she was saying and Fenris didn’t seem to reply but a moment later and there was a tentative knock on the door.

 

“Messere Hawke, I have your dinner. Can I come in?” 

 

Hawke hesitated. He  _ was _ hungry but he also felt sick, like anything he would eat would come right back to spite him. Fenris would be even more angry than he already was if he didn’t eat. He’d understand though, if -  _ no _ \- when Hawke explained it to him. Though it was more of an excuse at this point. A very planned excuse to stave off the conversation that he knew they needed to have.

 

“Thank you but I’m not hungry at the moment.” There was a frustrated huff, Fenris was probably scowling too. “Orana?”

 

“Yes?” 

 

“Is Fenris still there?” Hawke twisted his hands together, refusing to look at the door as someone’s head,or possibly hand or foot, fell against it. 

 

“I am here, Hawke.” Fenris’ voice was clear but Hawke could hear the strain in it and he scrunched his eyes shut before opening them again quickly, banishing the image that plagued him.

 

“Orana, can you make sure he eats, please?” Hawke pulled his legs up to his chest and leaned back against the wall under the window, bracing himself for at least some shouting.

 

It came as an unwanted surprise when there was nothing but defeat in the reply. “I’m not eating until you have, Garrett. Nor am I leaving.”

 

He couldn’t bring himself to think up an argument against that so he didn’t. He didn’t even fight the tears when they started again.

 

******** - **do i like...indicate with subheadings that we’re changing POVS or do i let the reader figure it out...how cruel am i...how obvious are these pov switches...yet again...do i care**

 

Fenris was scared. He wasn’t unfamiliar with the feeling but this was...different. He wasn’t scared for himself; he was scared for Hawke. Which to a certain extent was familiar too, the man struggled to keep himself from rushing into battle despite being a damned mage who should be healing them from a distance and only fighting when necessary. Right now, he had no way to protect Hawke. 

 

Hawke locking himself away hadn’t been what he’d expected. They lived dangerous lives and sometimes that danger manifested itself in a kidnapping or two; they had survived it with nothing more than a few bruises to add to their extensive collections and a few more gold pilfered from the kidnappers’ corpses. It had been done before and likely would again. 

 

*******

 

Every time Hawke closed his eyes, he could see the hallucinations. They were fainter now, murkier...

 

***********

 

Fenris had been alerted by Bodhan when someone broke into the Amell estate early that morning and had taken Hawke. He’d recruited Varric and Isabela on his way past the Hanged Man to the foundry. 

 

********

 

They had drugged him and then proceeded to use blood magic to keep him docile, and to keep him believing in what he thought he saw... Fenris drinking himself into oblivion. Screaming in rage, cursing. Breaking the skin over his knuckles until he bled and then carrying on regardless as he destroyed every piece of furniture in sight.

 

*********

 

They had found Hawke surrounded by slavers, one of them a mage. A blood mage. Hawke hadn’t even been fighting them. Fenris could still see it, clear as day, even with his eyes wide open: Hawke kneeling on the ground, tears falling down his face as he took in ragged breaths. 

 

Fenris had called out to him, had tried to snap him out of it but Hawke hadn’t even flinched. It had taken a swift slap in the face from Fenris to get Hawke to focus on him. Varric had pulled Isabela away when they were certain that their leader was unharmed and just needed to sober up.

 

_ “Fe- Fenris?” His heart tore at the quiver in Hawke’s voice, what had they done to him? _

 

_ “I’m here.” Fenris pulled Hawke in closer before pulling off his blood-stained gauntletts so as not to cut his lover as he threaded his fingers in his hair. “You’re safe now, Garrett. Safe.” _

 

_ “You’re here...Not-” Hawke shook his head and gripped tightly onto the back of Fenris’ armour. _

 

_ “Not where? Where did you think I was?” He asked softly, hyper-aware that Hawke still hadn’t stopped crying or breathing erratically; hopefully whatever combination of magic and drugs had been used would wear off soon. _

 

_ “I was dead.”  _

 

_ “What? What do you mean-...oh.” _

 

_ “You were destroying yourself because  _ I  _ was dead. They weren’t going to stop until I gave you up. They wanted you- you for-...”  _

 

_ Hawke trailed off but it was crystal clear. They were slavers, their plans went unspoken.  _

 

_ “You’re alive, Hawke. We both are.” _

 

*********

 

The crying was the worst, when Fenris just...gave up. Hawke had had to watch him collapse again and again and again. He would crumple to the floor and it would be silent. A sordid quiet in the midst of destruction. 


	2. And Never Let Me Go

“Hawke.” Fenris knocked on the door, the tray of food still sat next to him on the floor, alongside his armour, untouched. “Garrett, let me in. Please.”

 

******

 

Fenris hadn’t asked to be let in since Hawke had first said no. He’d respected Hawke’s wishes. He didn’t know why Fenris had done that, which was a lie. He did know. Hawke also knew why he’d told Fenris to leave even after the elf had been the only person able to bring him back to reality, and then back to his estate.

 

“It’s not safe.” He muttered bitterly, too quiet for Fenris to hear.

 

All his life he had worked to keep the people he loved safe. Bethany. Carver. Mother. Fenris. He couldn’t keep  _ any _ of them safe. Just being near him was a curse. To love him was to willingly invite death onto their doorsteps. All he did was let them down. 

 

And to think that he believed he could do it. To think he had hoped that the worst was over with Danarius dead and Fenris truly,  _ truly _ free. That they could protect each other and love each other as they so desired. Foolish. 

 

*********

 

Hawke didn’t answer and Fenris had had enough of waiting. The door had its own lock and three keys. One belonged to Hawke. One for the house staff. One for Fenris. 

 

He took the tray with him but left his sword and armour outside, they weren’t going to need it. Not with Varric staying downstairs for the night, the dwarf had made up a flimsy excuse for staying. Fenris hadn’t questioned it. 

 

Hawke was under the window, the fading sunlight shining just above his head and shrouding him in darkness. The hearth was empty and Fenris was fairly certain he could see a shiver run through the mage.  _ Idiot _ , he thought fondly. 

 

“At some point, you are going to eat this.” He said, setting the tray on the drawers before taking a blanket from the chest at the end of the bed.

 

Hawke hummed absently but didn’t flinch away when Fenris draped the blanket over him. He didn’t sit next to Hawke though, no matter how badly he wanted to.

 

*****

 

Fenris was watching him. Not speaking or offering any reassurances, verbal or physical, and Hawke was trying not to let the elf’s tactics win out against his already failing resolve. 

 

“I’m sorry.” He said at last, pulling the blanket around him tighter.

 

“What for?” Fenris asked, tilting his head to the side. 

 

Hawke scoffed. “For many, many things. Fenris. Don’t you think that your life would be so much easier if- if you had never had feelings for me?”

 

“Well I doubt hating you would make my life any easier, Hawke, if that’s what you mean.”

 

“No. I mean…” Hawke ran a hand through his hair. “If I hadn’t shown...interest in you, you could have left as soon as you found out Danarius wasn’t in that damned mansion. Or when you killed Hadriana. Or even after you killed Danarius. You could have left and none of- of  _ this _ ,” Hawke motioned at the two of them, “would have happened and you would be so much safer-”

 

“Shut up, Garrett.” Fenris’ eyes flashed with anger but his voice was level, edging on quiet.

 

“No, Fenris, you have to understand! It’s my  _ fault _ ! You are in danger still, after everything you have been through, because of  _ me _ !” 

 

Fenris dropped to his knees in front of him, eyes ablaze with so much emotion that Hawke didn’t want to see because none of it should be there. None of it. Fenris would be so much safer away from him.

 

“Do you hear yourself right now? Do you? Do you hear what you are telling me?” Fenris growled, hands clenched into fists on his knees; his hands were free of the usual spikes, Hawke wanted to cover them with his own. Wanted to stop fighting with Fenris and with himself.

 

“Yes.” He said stubbornly.

 

“You are wrong, Hawke. Wrong. Because I have made my choice. I make my choice every day I am here in Kirkwall. Every day I spend with you. You do not get to take that away from me or try to stop me from standing by my choice. Do you understand?” 

 

“...I never...that’s not what I meant, you know I never wanted to- I’d never want to-” Hawke didn’t fight back as Fenris held up one hand to silence him.

 

“I know, Hawke. I trust you. You aren’t going to die. We are both alive and choosing to be here with each other so let’s not allow ourselves to starve to death.” 

 

Hawke groaned and rolled his eyes. “All this to get me to eat?”

  
“All this because I  _ choose _ to look after you, as you look after me. Misguided as your attempts may sometimes be.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to my friend Dan for beta-ing! <3 <3
> 
> Thank you for reading! <3
> 
> Any and all comments welcome! Especially prompts! <3
> 
> Find me on tumblr @guardian-rose-petal


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